Thursday, June 8, 2017

Museum Etiquette 101

Museum folk like humor as much as the next person.  To that end, we have developed a number of tips for museum visitation, all tongue-in-cheek of course and actually the antithesis of how you should act in a museum.  But it’s fun!

So, when visiting a Museum, it is important to act in a certain way so as not to endanger the artifacts or ruin the experience of those around you.  Here are a few tips for being a considerate museum visitor:

1.      Run…as fast as possible – Oftentimes folks get annoyed when you walk too slowly.  Be the considerate guest your mom raised you to be, run through exhibits at full speed, knocking over as many Grecian urns, suits of armor, and bus groups of precious retirees as possible.

2.     Share Your Thoughts Loudly and Proudly – When expounding upon your knowledge of World War II weaponry or running through the exhibits (see tip 1), please do so as loudly as possible.  We have high hopes that if the internal volume of the Museum reaches a high enough decibel level, we can wake up the mummies and cash in like that museum in the movie Night at the Museum.

3.      Drink up – Look, guys, museum folks are humans too and, as such, we know coffee is the lifeblood of the human race. For this reason, we encourage you to bring your grande iced sugar-free vanilla latte with soy milk.  Bonus points for drizzling it on the Mi Lo Buddha.  He needs his morning fix to get up, go to work, and seek Enlightenment just like you and me.

See? He’s thrilled!

4.     Go Solo – If you’ve come with a group, be sure and leave them and move quickly to the most remote area of the galleries.  This step is critically important to the survival of the collections.  In the wild of the museum, displayed dinosaurs and mounted mannequins must forage for sustenance.  In the absence of a stray volunteer or intern, such predators often must resort to feeding on Museum visitors.  Be kind.  Don’t let these dear specimens starve.

5.    Get the Hands-On Experience – Get your paws into the claws of the T. Rex.  He doesn’t mind.  He rather enjoys having his extremities slowly coated in discarded skin cells, grande iced sugar-free vanilla latte (see tip 3) and Cheetos dust.  He licks his claws for nourishment when there aren’t any vagrant curators handy (see tip 4).

6.     Flash On, Flash Off – We encourage pictures, especially those with flash.  One of our staff members loves messages written in invisible ink and has since she was a 5-year-old.  She is dearly hoping to return to her Encyclopedia Brown days of yore by deciphering missives from the greats such as Queen Isabella of Spain and King George III that have been faded by the paparazzi-esque flashes of eager tourists.  Please, she needs this.  She can only spend so long reading easily decipherable text.

As you can see, the rules of museum etiquette may not be exactly as you suspected.  Remember, this is our feeble attempt at humor.  You should actually do just the opposite of everything you just read.

Have fun during your next visit to the Museum of World Treasures! 

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